Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
false alarm, still single
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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