I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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