Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Vodka?
Forever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
