Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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