There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
