It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
