And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
