ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
