college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
