she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
