We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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