remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
