We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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