Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
