you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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