Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
