So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
