so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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