It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
