Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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