The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
