I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
