I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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