i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
