my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
