shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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