walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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