I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
