so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
