Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
