It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
