I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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