The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
