"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
