Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
