Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
