Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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