Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
