dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he fucked my hip out of place.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
