well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
