The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You ate ashes out of my bong
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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