it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
