that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
