____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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