I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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