Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
