During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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