You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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