12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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