Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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