he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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