well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
