Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
babies were throwing up all over the place
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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