You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
