Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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