He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
