so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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