I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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