Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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