we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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