So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
