My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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